A Moron with a Mouthful of Magic

by Andrea Mulder-Slater

I love the online health food store because where else I can place an order for Vitamins B, C and D while lounging in yoga pants and eating chocolate - snapped into bite-sized pieces because fewer calories – without being judged by 25 year old yogis drinking beet juice behind the counter.

These chips are organic Sasha. I'm hurting myself if I don't eat them.

Then there are the random free samples offered at time of checkout.

Once I received a minuscule tube, inside of which was just enough eye cream to moisturize my fingertips. Then there was the tiny bottle of zinc ointment, which - to this day - I still carry around in my purse. Not long ago, it was a trial size teeth-whitening system, including magic minty toothpaste.

Because I’ve always been curious about people with glow-in-the-dark incisors, this freebie made me a little more excited than usual.