A toast... to toast

by Andrea Mulder-Slater

I have a smattering of memories from my days of doing hard time in high school. For the most part, secondary school was pretty forgettable and when it was finally over, I was beyond glad.

Case in point - "the toast incident". Grab a tissue - maybe even a box...


I was nearly sixteen years old. The “in” crowd at school had just accepted me and my best friend into their clique.

Mine was a simple and relatively painless initiation. One of the coolest boys in school - his name was Keith - snuck up behind me, picked me up, flipped me upside down and shook me until all the tictacs I had stashed in my pockets, fell onto the floor.

My friend however, wasn’t so lucky. She had worn loose fitting harem pants that day (a grave mistake in any decade) when a boy named Wade decided to give them a yank – just for fun.  

Halloween was just around the corner and – because we were now ultra cool - we were invited to partake in a time-honored autumn tradition.

I had no idea what The Rocky Horror Picture Show was – so I figured it must be tremendously great. My parents agreed to let me go (what were they thinking?) so off I went to spend the night at my friend’s in-town house.
A plan was hatched. We would all meet at the theatre, each carrying our own well-concealed “supplies” in our knapsacks.

The preparation for the evening was painstaking. We were told to bring toast - lots of toast -  while others were asked to procure rice, bells, rubber gloves, toilet paper and an assortment of other odd items from their parental homes.

We were too excited to question why.

My friend and I sat for hours in front of a toaster until nearly five bags of Wonder Bread had been doctored.

I’m not proud of what happened next.

Naive adolescents, who hail from the country, should never be left alone in the same room as a bottle of peach schnapps. Needless to say, we never did make it to The Rocky Horror Picture Show that night.

Thank goodness our parents had a sense of humor.

While watching The Rocky Horror Picture Show years later, two things occurred to me. One:  dim-witted teenagers should never, ever know about that movie and two: there are far more interesting things to do with a bag of Wonder Bread and a toaster...

Ingrid Falk & Gustavo Aguerre are artists with a vision. Their work of art called "The Toaster" is a large (5 meters x 4.5 meters) work of art which is completely made from slices of toast - varying from light to dark. Apparently, it took several days of work and several friends with toasters to prepare the 2500 pieces of crusty bread necessary to build this gigantic mosaic. No word on how many sticks of butter they went through.
Ingrid Falk and Gustavo Aguerre

Once you've determined that you like toast (I mean really like toast) then you are probably ready for the next step - wearing a piece of french toast necklace. Amy of rapscalliondesign can make one for you.

Soap is nice. Toast is nice. So why not combine the two? That's what soapopotamus did. They almost look good enough to eat, don't they?


Toast with jelly is the inspiration here. Elizabeth of neoitvaluoscol.etsy.com describes her plush toy this way:  "This little toast is so happy to have some fruit jelly rubbed on his belly, he is reaching out for a warm hug to share the love." I for one, find this disturbing. Then again, I'm more of a Cheez Whiz girl.

And finally, nothing says "I love you" more than a portrait made of toast. Laura Hadland used 9,852 slices of bread to create a picture of her mother-in-law Sandra Whitfield. To date, this is the world's largest toast portrait and really, who would want to top that?

Laura Hadland and the world's largest toast portrait.
No, really.

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