My quiet sucks

by Andrea Mulder-Slater

Geoff was up well before daylight today. The basement floor was poured at the new house two nights ago, and warmth from the fireplace heat dump is required to help it set up. So he drove out to put another bunch of logs on the fire. For the record, I dislike the word "dump" immensely. Growing up, "dump" had a very specific meaning and I can't shake the connotation. I'm immature like that. It's like when kids hear the words "shuttlecock" or "Bangkok" or "crap". See what I mean?

I heard the outside door close, just barely, when Geoff returned home. I think my Montana Moose threats are working because lately, he has passed the stealth test again and again.

I however, need a refresher course.
I got up to share a coffee with Geoff. Well, we weren't really going to share the same coffee. There was plenty for both of us. Plus, he drinks his coffee black and I take cream. In any case, he was sitting - quietly - at the kitchen table, earphones on, in front of his laptop. Atta boy! I should explain my wild love of quiet. The thing is, our daughter sleeps in when given half a chance. And as much as I love her tiny little chubby cheeks, I don't necessarily want to hear her big voice before having imbibed much caffeine in the early morning hours. Call me selfish.

Since Geoff was focused on the Internets, I thought I would grab my laptop, which is like his - only bigger. His mini-computer weighs about a pound and floats when you drop it. Like a Toyota. Mine on the other hand is like a Buick. It's big, it's heavy and you need to start it about an hour before you want to "get into it". It's running on Vista - Home Edition -  because I'm cool like that.

I went to switch my behemoth on, but the battery died before the start up process was complete. So, I went to get the giant power cord which I think might be heavier than our pick-up truck. While carrying it to the kitchen table,  it slipped out of my grip - right down to the floor. And it went BANG(KOK)!.

Geoff looked up from YouTube. I think he smiled. It was still dark, so I couldn't tell.

Me: Here I was trying to be so quiet.

Geoff: Your quiet sucks.

And there you have it. What's another way of saying the pot better stop calling the kettle black?

How about: Don't remove a fly from your friend's head with a hatchet. Yeah. I like that.

No, really.


  1. This is hillarious Andrea! I have read some of your other stories and love them all.


Whaddya think?