I may have reached my chicken limit

by Andrea Mulder-Slater

By now, you probably know how I feel about chickens. If not, let me remind you. I don't like them. They freak me out. So you can imagine my horror when I came across this.


It's a game created by a real estate blog in which you can calculate how many goats, sheep, guinea pigs, cows or (shudder) chickens it would take to keep your yard  manicured. And covered in crap.

Now that we've moved to the country, we have somewhere in the neighborhood of 7 acres of land. That's a lot of mowing. Assuming we had grass. At some point -  once we've been out here a few years, removed from society as we know it, living like recluses, growing our own food and braiding each others hair while wearing orange jumpsuits - we might in fact turn to the animals for help. Mostly because by that time, no one else will be brave enough to come near us.

I had to try it. I selected chickens. Of course I did:

I entered my acreage:

And was presented with this:

Eight thousand one hundred and thirty one chickens - in my yard?! I would be forever trapped in my house. My daughter on the other hand, would be in pure heaven. The kid loves those birds so much she once did a somersault right through a pile of fresh chicken shit while eating marshmallows.

Don't ask.

Let me assure you, you haven't lived until you've had to wash poultry turds out of a toddler's head at ten o'clock at night.

Try it yourself. I mean the game. Not the late night crap removal. Unless of course you decide to gather 12,197 guinea pigs to mow your lawn - in which case you are totally on your own.

Reduce Animal Unemployment: Hire A Goat By Movoto Real Estate

No, really.

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